Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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