We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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