so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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