Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
