I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There's always time for handjobs
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
