kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
