he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize