I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
