Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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