Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
