Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
