thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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