Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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