Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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