WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
