it wasn't lemon gatorade
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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