Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
