So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
worst night to have a conscience
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
