No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
