Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
