I feel like abortions should bother me more
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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