apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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