like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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