Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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