Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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