Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
