yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
