My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
