I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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