I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
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you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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