the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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