I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish i was in the wii world.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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