The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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