put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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