Apparently you make a good broom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
