I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
