how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
