Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize