i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you told grandpa to call you daddy
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
