The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.