IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
