Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
