my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
