Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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