Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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