They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
