Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
