True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
