Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
