you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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