Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
