Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
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I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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