Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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