Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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