...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
