The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
