I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
