jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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