I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
