You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
