I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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