White coat. Heels.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
