I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
