God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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