this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His hands were made for my vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
