6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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