i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
