I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
