I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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