I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
