I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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