you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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