i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
