i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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