I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
