I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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