I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
